So, I’m coming out as a consensual non-monogamist. It’s such a private thing – a sex life – it begs the question, “Why come out?”
Consensual non-monogamy isn’t a kink, it’s a lifestyle. A big part of my waking day is spent with my swinger/poly/pervy community. The way that I understand and explore my sexuality is a huge part of my life: it colors the way I see the world, it brings me deeper understanding of people, and makes me feel good.
So I’m coming out. In part, to control the message. (My extended family shouldn’t hear that I’m a happy slut from anyone but me.) I’m also laying myself bare because others can’t. I have friends who come from repressive religious backgrounds, many are teachers and civic leaders, and some are just terrified.
It’s time to normalize alternative sexual predilections among the hetero/coupled/straight set. It’s time for women who love sex and freely, joyously explore their sexuality to be heard.
My partner and I have been together for 24 years. We were monogamous for 19 of those years, and it was all fine. We weren’t on the precipice of cheating before we opened our marriage, not even close. But walk around with any sort of prohibition in life and temptation looms large. People we love have died. I have pushed babies through my body. We have caused each other great pain. We have experienced unparalleled joy. Why shouldn’t my partner know that I find other people attractive?
Consensual non-monogamy isn’t more difficult than monogamy, though it often takes some seriously difficult conversation to make it work. It’s worth it. My husband’s and my relationship has been enhanced beyond measure; we are living, walking proof that consensual non-monogamy can be a happy, uncomplicated reality for people who love and respect each other.
This blog is about my life as a sexual adventurer. I’m a wife and mother, daughter and friend. I love sex, and want pleasure for all of my friends. Life is good … it’s time to share my joy to a wider audience.